11:11/11+100: The Unluckiest Country

When the sun rose on July 1, 1916, the First Newfoundland Regiment prepared for a glorious battle.

When the sun set, 0.1 percent of the entire population of Newfoundland was dead.

Photo of 22 soldiers in dress uniforms
Part of the First Newfoundland Regiment before the Battle of the Somme
Courtesy of the Rooms of the Provincial Archives Division (NA 3847), St. Johns, NL

In between was the first day of the Battle of the Somme, one of the bloodiest days in human history.

On Monday, I talked about how the petty feuds and drama of just two families spun out of control into a World War. The problem was that the families were deeply linked with their countries, so King George’s problems and Britain’s problems were one and the same. It was the inevitable consequence of associating a leader with a country – and it should worry us today as non-monarch leaders like Donald Trump and Jair Bolsonaro try to convince voters to link their identities with those of nations like the United States and Brazil.

Back in 1914 Europe, though, these monarchs weren’t just leaders of their own countries, they were absolute rulers of world-spanning empires. And so George V’s problems were not just Britain’s problems, they were the problems of the entire British empire. Even far-flung former colonies like Canada and Australia sent troops. Each corner of the British Empire wanted do its part, even the tiny Dominion of Newfoundland.

[googlemaps https://www.google.com/maps/embed?pb=!1m18!1m12!1m3!1d9895901.565052403!2d-68.89514296136885!3d52.73234411796622!2m3!1f0!2f0!3f0!3m2!1i1024!2i768!4f13.1!3m3!1m2!1s0x4b0ca3c27d2ff00f%3A0x64ec9db3d57639a8!2sNewfoundland+and+Labrador%2C+Canada!5e0!3m2!1sen!2sus!4v1542568914746&w=300&h=200]
This is Newfoundland
(click “View larger map” to explore in a new window)

Then as now, Newfoundland consisted of two disconnected pieces: an island (also called Newfoundland) at the mouth of the St. Lawrence River, and a stretch of rugged coastline to the north, called Labrador. When Europeans first found North America, 400 years before Columbus, they found Labrador. The Vikings didn’t stay, but European fishing crews soon discovered the island, and in 1583 it became a British colony, thus part of the British Empire. When the rest of the nearby colonies became independent(-ish) in 1867 and formed the new country of Canada, Newfoundland decided to remain a full British colony.  

By 1914, Newfoundland was one of the more far-flung outposts of King George’s Empire. Its population of 240,000 – smaller than the modern population of Buffalo, New York – supported itself mostly by fishing.

Newfoundland had attained some self-governance, but still fell under the British Armed Forces. And like everywhere in the British Empire, everyone was excited for King George’s War. The Dominion’s government put out a call to raise a local regiment for the British Army. A popular song of the day (popular throughout the Empire, not specific to Newfoundland) encouraged young men to sign up for the fun. It went like this (not ironically):

Pack up your troubles in your old kit-bag,
and smile, smile, smile!

Hundreds of young men joined the Newfoundland Regiment the first day. When soldiers stepped onto their ships to go to training in England, it must have felt like they were off to summer camp. Eventually, nearly 12,000 Newfoundlanders sailed off to Europe to fight – more than a third of the service-eligible male population. 

When they arrived, they found trench warfare: dig a trench, then live in it for months in all weather without a change of shoes. When it’s your turn to shoot, peek out over the top of the trench with your rifle. When it’s your turn to dig, advance your army six inches a day. Know that the enemy is doing the same a few hundred feet away. This went on, day after day, for years. But the worst was yet to come.

Seventeen soldiers in dirty clothes standing in a trench only a little taller than they areWhat happens in the trench stays in the trench.
Day after day until it kills you.

Rifle fire from the trenches was supported by artillery behind the front lines, aiming shells at the enemy trenches. But there was no Google Maps back then, and even airplanes were new, dangerous to fly, and well within the shoot-down range of enemy artillery. So often “aiming shells at the enemy trenches” meant “let’s take our best guess and see what happens.” Once the commanding officers – safe in their tents behind even the artillery – decided that the bombardment and rifling had worn down the enemy enough, they would order the soldiers to climb out of the trenches, run through gunfire across “no-man’s land,” jump into the enemy trenches, and shoot, stab, or punch them to death.

If this seems like a questionable battle plan, know that it was selected because the Allied commanders thought that the enlisted men were too dumb to do anything else.

Along the front lines near the Somme River in Northern France, the battle plan for July 1, 1916 was the same as ever – full infantry charge to try to encircle the German line. As luck would have it, in an incredible statistical improbability, the exact center of the attack would come from the spot occupied by the First Newfoundland Regiment.

The Newfoundlanders knew that they were the heart of the plan, and that the plan would be risky, but hopefully also glorious. One wrote in his diary on June 20th:

“Everyone seems so cool about it all, quietly preparing for what is going to be the greatest attack in the history of the world.”

Lieutenant Owen Steele, First Newfoundland RegimentThe battle began at 7:20 AM with a diversion, when the Allies set off an enormous bomb on a ridge a few hundred yards away. The generals had debated whether to start the infantry attack immediately, or whether to wait an hour. They compromised at 10 minutes, which was the worst possible choice: the bomb was like a giant flashing neon “we’re going to attack now” sign, and ten minutes is enough time to set up and aim all your machine guns.

At 8:45 AM, 780 men the First Newfoundland Regiment leaped out of their trenches to join the ongoing battle. No one was there to photograph them, but this still from a contemporary film re-enactment shows what it must have looked like:

Soldiers in helmets with bayonetted rifles climb up the wall of their trenchClick on the photo to see it in the archives of the British Imperial War Museum

They crossed into No Man’s Land and ran across, about the length of a football field – but miscommunicated orders meant that the unit that was supposed to back them up never showed. The few who survived the run through enemy gunfire then discovered, to their horror, that two weeks of artillery bombing had completely missed the barbed wire protecting the German lines. They had nowhere to go.

The First Newfoundland Regiment on July 2, 1916 Dead: 324 (42%), Wounded: 388 (50%), Remaining 68 (9%)
Because I can’t resist a data visualization:
This chart shows the regiment the next day

The following morning, the brigade commanders held roll call, because all of the regiment’s officers had been killed in the battle. Only 68 enlisted men answered roll. Of the 780 members of the First Newfoundland Regiment, 388 had been wounded, and 324 killed. Remember that the population of Newfoundland was only 240,000.

This video, produced by the provincial heritage trust, tells the full story of the battle (length 11:17, click to play):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0DtAKWZ0IY

The First Newfoundland Regiment remained active on paper, and in fact it’s still around today as a unit of the Canadian Army, but the survivors were absorbed into other units. The war went on for another 2 1/2 years.

News of the tragedy reached home and devastated the country. Had history continued its prewar course, Newfoundland probably would have eventually achieved independence – but suddenly one out of every 800 Newfoundlanders was dead in a single day.

The country now had too few young men to do the hard manual labor of fishing and shipping required to sustain its economy. The survivors (including many people who served in regiments other than the First) suffered from a variety of health problems, including “shell shock,” which now know as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Their military pensions, along with the reduction in work force, bankrupted the country. In 1949, Newfoundlanders voted to join Canada, and were welcomed as Canada’s tenth province.

Newfoundland maintains a proud regional identity, its citizens have represented Canada well in Important Canadian Things. Newfoundland ended up doing well, but there is no way to know what would have happened otherwise. Without question, nowhere else in the world suffered such great loss in such a short time.

Newfoundland will never forget World War One, and neither should you.

11:11/11+100: A Snapshot in the Family Album

When Uncle Ed died, the whole family gathered at the church for the funeral. That’s just what families do, and it wouldn’t be noteworthy if it hadn’t been such a poignant symbol of the causes of World War One – in terms of sheer painful brutality, maybe the worst war in human history.

Nine kings in royal regalia - three seated on thrones and six standing behind them (names in caption)May 20, 1910: the family photo.Standing, left to right: King Haakon VIII of Norway, King Manuel II of Portugal, Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany, King George I of Greece, and King Albert I of Belgium.Seated, left to right: King Alfonso XIII of Spain, King George V of the United Kingdom, and King Frederick VIII
Source: W. & D. Downey, labels added by Jordan Raddick

Because Uncle Ed was King Edward VII of the United Kingdom, the church was Westminster, and the family was the largest gathering of royalty ever assembled. They took a family picture, shown above.

King Edward VII (who regined from 1901 to 1910) was famous for two things: for being incredibly fat, and for owning a “Love chair” that allowed him to rest his back while two people simultaneously performed oral sex on him – one of whom inspired that the traditional song Daisy, Daisy, with the line  “and you’ll look sweet, upon the seat, of a bicycle built for two.”

Uncle Ed died of a heart attack on Friday, May 6, 1910. His ridiculous last words were that he was glad to hear his favorite horse had won that day’s race. He was buried in a state funeral two weeks later. Among his relatives at the funeral were nine reigning monarchs of European nations. Their time was up, and they didn’t know it yet. Manuel II of Portugal wouldn’t last six months, deposed by his own people. Today, only five of the nine countries even have monarchs, and none of them has any real political power.

There were two major absences, though. Edward’s nephew, Tsar Nicholas II of Russia, couldn’t attend and sent his youngest brother Michael instead. Michael isn’t in the picture above because he’s not kingy enough.

A photo of the band Franz Ferdinand, live in concert in Glasgow in 2006Dude, you got the wrong Franz Ferdinand!Source: Wikimedia Commons, user Shokoishikawa

The other was Emperor Franz Joseph I of the Austro-Hungarian Empire, who has not part of the family – he was from the House of Habsburg instead. He couldn’t make it, but sent his nephew, Archduke Franz Ferdinand. His name comes up again later.

The upshot was that all these relationships among leaders led to a set of unstable alliances among their countries. Nicholas’s Russia promised to come to the aid of Franz Joseph’s Austria-Hungary should it ever be attacked. Germany’s Wilhelm made no such promise to Nicholas, but had to Franz Joseph. George V of the United Kingdom made the same promise to Albert of Belgium. Wilhelm didn’t care much for George but had no beef with Albert, except that he later wanted a shortcut to invade kingless France, and Belgium was, like, right there.

Into that fragile network of alliances stepped 19-year-old Gavrilo Princip, who missed an opportunity to become a meme by not saying Pridrži moje pivo (hold my beer). Instead, he picked up his gun and stepped in front of Franz Ferdinand’s carriage. And the rest, as they say, is history.

Prince William of England kissing his bride, Kate MiddletonUncle Ed’s great-great grandson, Prince William, gets hitchedSource: Wikimedia Commons, user César

This is one of the few times where a focus on the so-called Great Men of History is actually helpful – because seldom has it been so clear that those Great Men are actually huge morons. The family is still around, and the heir apparent to Austria’s Habsburgs is now a champion Formula 1 driver.

I have no ill will toward these families, and their modern descendants seem like perfectly nice people. I’m not one of those people who wants to see the rich up against the wall – I’d prefer to see nobody face the firing squad.

But compare the family photo above to the photo of the soldiers I shared on Monday. Seldom has it been so clear the consequences of giving so much power to so few people.

11:11/11+100: Remembering World War One

If you’ve wondered why we celebrate Veterans’ Day on November 11: it’s the anniversary of the end of the most traumatic war in human history… 100 years ago today.

The armistice ending World War One took effect at 11 AM on November 11, 1918, “the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month,” whether you prefer the U.S. or European date format. Hence the name of this new post series: 11:11/11+100.

Three soldiers fire a submachine gun amidst a grove of dead trees during World War One
U.S. Army Soldiers in World War One 
(Photo Credit: U.S. Army Photo)

The reason World War One was so traumatic was that our technology for killing each other had improved dramatically by 1918: World War One began with horses and ended with tanks. But our technology for curing hadn’t yet caught up. Anesthetics were available in hospitals but not in the field, so the saw-your-leg-off school of military medicine still ruled the day. Even aspirin was uncommon; an expensive drug patented by Bayer AG, a company in combatant Germany.

And so the war was fought in close quarters in muddy trenches, where you could watch your fellow soldiers die in agony in front of you – or die in agony yourself.

Not only was the war brutal, it was big. Remember what a horrible day 9/11 was? Imagine ten of them at once – on July 1, 1916, thirty thousand soldiers were killed across all sides. Let that sink in:

More people were killed on the first day of the Battle of the Somme than in the 9/11 terrorist attacks – TEN TIMES as many.

A hundred years is a short time in the grand scheme of human history, and the blink of an eye in the history of the Universe, but it’s long enough to begin to fade from human memory. The last surviving veteran of World War One was Florence Green, who served in the UK Royal Women’s Air Force, and died peacefully in 2012 age 110.

Unfortunately, World War One has faded from memory even faster than it might have otherwise, because it has been overshadowed by the outbreak of World War Two just twenty years later. Don’t let history be forgotten, and don’t ever forget the tragic death of so many people.

Let me remember their sacrifice in a way they could have never imagined back in 1918…. flag emojis?!?

🇺🇸🇬🇧🇫🇷🇷🇺🇨🇦🇮🇹🇯🇵🇧🇪🇷🇸🇲🇪🇸🇦🇵🇹🇷🇴🇵🇸🇬🇷🇨🇳🇹🇭🇧🇷🇦🇱🇦🇲

Those are the flags of the Allies (the side that my compatriots in the U.S. fought for), but let’s not forget those who died fighting for the Central Powers too. It’s not the soldiers’ fault they were born on the wrong side.
🇩🇪🇦🇹🇭🇺🇹🇷🇧🇬🇸🇴🇿🇦🇸🇩🇦🇿🇧🇾🇱🇻🇱🇹🇪🇪🇺🇦🇫🇮🇬🇪🇵🇱

(Flag nerd note: these are the flags of the combatant nations as they are today. I think that’s the right call, because today is today, but know that there have been many changes in both flags and borders. And let me know in the comments if I forgot any countries.)

I mean this remembrance respectfully, but I acknowledge it’s a bit of a mixed blessing too. They died for these countries, and their sacrifice should be remembered forever. But at the same time… these flags represent the imaginary borders that got them killed in the first place. 

World War One wasn’t the fight against absolute evil that World War Two was. Every 10th grade history student “learns” just one fact about World War One: it started because reasons. More on that on Wednesday.

Aloha `oe: Keith Jackson

Welcome to a new post series! Aloha `oe looks back on the lives of some people – famous to many or just to me – whom I have admired and who have had a real impact on my life. The name comes from one of my favorite expressions, learned in my brief stay in Hawaii in 1999. It means a final farewell.

Of course I heard it on a Saturday afternoon: Aloha `oe to Keith Jackson, voice of college football — and one of my childhood heroes.

Jackson (1928-2018) died this January at his home in Sherman Oaks, California. He was 89.

I’m a lifelong sports fan, and my favorite sport growing up was college (American) football. Keith Jackson was there every Saturday, calling the biggest game of the week on ABC, along with former Purdue quarterback Bob Griese.

I watched every Saturday I was near a TV. Jackson’s folksy style had a major influence on my journalism career, as public address announcer at Edgewater High School and commentator for college radio.

He called four World Series, ten Olympics, and ABC’s Wide World of Sports from ski jumping to arm wrestling – but he will be forever remembered for his true passion, as the Voice of College Football.

“The college football game, as such, doesn’t exhibit the skill that pro football does,” he said in a 2011 interview. “But it’s got spirit.”

His calls became the source for some of the modern language of college football. Some of the phrases he invented or popularized (with parenthetical explanation in case you’re not familiar with the sport):

  • FUMBLE!!!!! (When an offensive player dropped the ball and the defense picked it up or fell on it)
  • Hold the phone! (When a penalty was called on a big play, potentially negating the outcome)
  • The Big Uglies (referring to offensive linemen)
  • The Big House (his nickname for Michigan Stadium, home of the University of Michigan Wolverines)
  • The Granddaddy of Them All (his nickname for the Rose Bowl, the first and highest-profile of college football’s postseason games)

Perhaps his most famous moment came in 1991, in a game between arch-rivals the University of Michigan and The Ohio State University. Listen to Jackson describe this play by Michigan punt returner Desmond Howard, virtually guaranteeing that Howard would win college football’s highest award, the Heisman Trophy:

Goodbye! Hello, Heisman!

Jackson was born in small-town Georgia, but fell in love with the West Coast, first as a student at Washington State University and then as a lifelong resident of Los Angeles.

But he never lost his Southern drawl: three generations of college football fans can repeat from memory his folksy pronunciation of certain words: mah-AM-ee, al-uh-BAM-uh, and the word line stretched into two or three syllable. But he never shied away from correctly pronouncing a name like Tshimanga Biakabutuka or Marques Tuiasosospo. I wish he had lived and worked long enough to pronounce the name of current Alabama quarterback Tua Tagovailoa.

But he’ll always be remembered for most famous turn of phrase:

Whoa, Nellie!

Everyone assumed it was his wife’s name – it was actually a phrase of his great-grandfather, used to express frustration. And speaking of marriage, I’ll never forget his retirement tribute in 1998, where he gave his reason for stepping down – “I’ll be serving as personal chauffeur to Miss Turi Ann Jackson,” his wife of 65 years, with whom he raised three children.

He retired in 1998, and I still remember the reason he gave for retiring – “I’ll be serving as personal chauffeur to Miss Turi Ann Jackson,” his wife of 65 years.

But his retirement felt premature, and he came back at the personal invitation of president of ABC sports – on the condition that he only call games on the west coast to limit his travel. When he retired for good (January 4, 2006), his last game was the Granddaddy of Them All frequently cited as the greatest game in college football history: Texas upset USC 41-38 on Vince Young’s 9-yard touchdown run with just 26 seconds left. And it felt right. Jackson and Griese with the call:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Z1BGHfq3eg&feature=youtu.be&t=9825s

Aloha `oe, Keith. I hope I can bring the same excitement to astronomy that Keith Jackson always did to college football.