After 30 votes, unprecedented write-in votes because you begged me to consider honorable mention entries for the winnner – and the CLOSEST VOTE EVER – we have a winner in the Seventh Annual Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costume Contest™!
UPDATE: Last chance to vote! Voting closes at noon ET on Halloween Day!
Amazing response once again to this year’s Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costume Contest!
We got a record 42 entries! All entries are shown below, but for the purposes of picking a winner, I whittled the full list down to 15 finalists. And here are the 15 finalists, in alphabetical order, with the name of the person or people who suggested each. So many great entries this year, and now it’s time for YOU to pick the winner!
Review the list below, then vote using the Sexy Ballot below. Whoever gets the most votes is our winner for 2023!
The voting deadline is tomrrrow, Halloween Day, at noon ET. Results will be announced here on the blog at 3 PM ET!
And here are this year’s finalists:
Suggested by Margaret Kosmala and Erin Purcell
After so many Sexy Bee costumes for Halloween, why not see what life is like on the other side?
And who knows, if there are enough Sexy Bees at your Halloween gathering, you might be able to collect some honey!
Sexy Donald Trump
Suggested by John London
To be fair, lots of people think that Donald Trump is inherently sexy. I don’t see it, but whatever builds your wall.
Suggested by David Dudich
This one definitely wins for “best nightmare fuel.”
Suggested by Theresa Moody
Unlike some of the non-copyright-infringing entries below, this one is actually called “Sexy Hamburglar” in the catalog. Did McDonalds agree to this? Is hamburgling sexy?
For all those times you want to take over the world, but you just can’t do it alone. Time to recruit new followers!
Sexy Non-Copyright-Infringing Superhero Italian Plumber
Suggested by Andrew Rivera and Kim Nies
Mama Mia! It’s a-me, the Non-Copyright-Infringing Superhero Italian Plumber!
Also available in Sexy Non-Copyright-Infringing Superhero Italian Plumber’s brother (really, see the full list of suggestions below).
Suggested by Kim Nies
OH GOD NO. PLEASE DO NOT WEAR THIS COSTUME!
Sexy Pumpkin Man
Suggested by Mike Lowe
Dudes shouldn’t feel left out of the fall-themed Halloween costumes either! Decorate it any way you please!
Suggested by Jackie Bowman
Try not to get stepped on!
Sexy Ronald Dion DeSantis
Suggested by Tim Christopher
The “Governor” of “Florida” won’t let K-12 students have nicknames, so he doesn’t get to be called “Ron.” But he does get an AI-generated sparkly dress! Now he’s not allowed in schools or public venues.
Suggested by Brandi Silver
The gang tries to solve the mystery of who could possibly find Scooby-Doo sexy!
Suggested by Mary Jo Richards
Until Next Halloween!
Suggested by Dave Fishman
This costume can really help you come out of your shell!
Sexy Venus Flytrap
Suggested by Matt Brashears
Looking to make a catch at this year’s Halloween party? Want to invite someone out for a bite to eat? This costume meets all your needs as a growing organism!
Suggested by Anna Routly
AKA Sexy Wally in the United Kingdom
Upside: distitnctive and sexy costume
Downside: no one can find you
And now it’s time to vote for your favorite costume! Choose a radio button below to select your favorite costume, then click Submit. Results will be announced tomorrow – Halloween Day – at 3 PM ET!
Honorably Sexy Mention
Although I could only choose 15 finalists, I carefully considered all 42 submissions. Here are the others:
You know it, you love it, it’s that time of year again!
Welcome to the 2023 Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costume Contest™!
A wise Internet Person once said: your brand is the thing that makes people think of you. In which case: my brand is… sexy Halloween costumes?
Welcome back to what is inexplicably my most popular blog topic ever: the announcement of this year’s long-awaited What is the Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costume Contest™.
What is the Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costume Contest™, you ask? It’s an annual event on my social media, now entering its seventh year, celebrating (?) the weirdness that is Halloween as celebrated on Earth (especially as celebrated in the United States) Specifically, the weirdness of Halloween costumes.
What is so weird about Halloween Costumes?
Imagine that you are a woman (easy for about 50% of you) and that your favorite animal is a moose (easy for me and hopefully at least one other person in the world). You want nothing more than to go out with your friends and celebrate the majestic moose.
Behold, the ONLY women’s moose costume I could find on the Internet:
And there is the problem: for just about any costume idea you can imagine, there are no normal costumes available in women’s sizes for that idea – instead, there are just SEXY costumes. And Sexy Moose is not even in the Top 100 weirdest.
And so in 2015, I decided to take the moose by the antlers and sponsor a contest. I invite you to suggest the best, weirdest, most WTF examples of sexy Halloween costumes. In particular, I invite you to suggest costumes that bring sexy to things that are totally, completely, Inherently Not Sexy.
Presenting the winners from previous years, and the people who suggested them:
2015: Sexy Orca
2016: Sexy Scrabble
2017: Sexy Green Poo
2018: Sexy Marcel Duchamp Art Gallery Urinal
2019: Sexy Mr. Rogers
[Skipped a couple years there but]
2022: Sexy Tardigrade
Can anyone stop Elliot’s two-year winning streak! Can anyone possibly suggest anything more insane than Sexy Tardigrade? Now is the time to find out! Send me your suggestions!
Comment here with links – or if you know me in real life, contact me in any of the ways you know how to contact me in real life. Let’s make this the Sexiest Year Ever!