Another COVID-19 update coming tonight, but moose cannot live on COVID-19 updates alone. Today is part of this blog’s usual Monday-Wednesday-Friday schedule, so I’m getting back to posting about all the other fascinating things in the world.

Today, it’s a return to our amazing planet Earth, and the amazing tool that can show it to us in glorious detail, Google Earth. (Note: Today’s post is possibly slightly NSFW, depending on your workplace’s policies and whether you work for Wang Laboratories.)

There’s an old saying about my home state of Florida. I’ll let Homer Simpson tell it:

A clip (4 seconds long) from the Simpsons’ 2000 episode “Kill the Alligator and Run”

That 2000 episode of The Simpsons popularized the saying, but I heard people refer to Florida as “America’s Wang” as early as the 1980s. Because, I mean, just LOOK at it, hanging there wangishly in the southeast corner of the U.S.:


and zooming in for a closer look reveals its full wangliness:

Florida (aka America’s Wang)

But zoom in again to unzip the truth about one of Florida 67 counties… Pinellas County is Florida’s wang!

Pinellas County (aka Florida’s Wang aka America’s Wang’s Wang)

Pinellas County, home of the cities of Clearwater and St. Petersburg, is a peninsula that hangs flaccidly down from the rest of Florida, bounded by Tampa Bay on the east and the Gulf of Mexico on the west. The whole southern tip of the county looks a bit wanglike, actually, but there’s one area in particular I’d like you to focus on.

Like many coastal regions all over the world, Pinellas County features a system of barrier islands, formed by the waves and tides along the beach. These islands tend to be long and thin, and when they are oriented just right… well, take a look at Long Key, the Wang of Pinellas County:

Long Key (aka Pinellas County’s Wang aka Florida’s Wang’s Wang, aka America’s Wang’s Wang’s Wang)

But we’re still not done here, because take a close look just to the right of the red pin marker on Long Key to see this:

Belle Vista Beach (aka Long Key’s Wang aka Pinellas County’s Wang’s Wang aka Florida’s Wang’s Wang’s Wang aka America’s Wang’s Wang’s Wang’s Wang)

The outline shows the neighborhood of Belle Vista Beach, a wealthy enclave of large single-family homes in St. Pete Beach, Florida (and until 1957, a city in its own right before being merged the rest of St. Pete Beach). Looks like a lovely and wangly place to call home.

But we’re still not done, because on the southwestern edge of Belle Vista Beach, enclosed by McPherson Bayou, is a small protuberance called Mangrove Point:

Mangrove Point (aka Belle Vista Beach’s Wang, aka Long Key’s Wang’s Wang, aka Pinellas County’s Wang’s Wang’s Wang, aka Florida’s Wang’s Wang’s Wang’s Wang, aka America’s Wang’s Wang’s Wang’s Wang’s Wang)

…and thus we have reached the tip.

If you were to visit the very tip of America’s Wang’s Wang’s Wang’s Wang’s Wang, what would you see? Amazingly, Google Earth can take us there:

The tip of the Wangs

And it can be yours!

I didn’t plan it this way, and I didn’t even know when I started writing this post, but the pink house in the middle is for sale. For just under $1.7 million, you can own this 4-bedroom, 4-bath, 3000-square-foot (270 square meter) house at 3 Mangrove Point in St. Pete Beach, Florida – at the tip of all the wangs!

When the house sells, I’ll remove this part of the post and end at the street view of Mangrove Point, so I don’t ruin anyone’s privacy.

But until then, a message to whatever unfortunate real estate agent is listing the property: I’m sorry and congratulations, this is the weirdest free advertising you will probably ever get.

Stay tuned tonight for a COVID-19 update, and stay tuned over the coming weeks for the return of favorite series like Except They Weren’t, and for some exciting new series. Stay safe and stay curious!

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