Your Sexy Unsexy Halloween Costumes!

After a delay due to Medical Complications (looooong story involving allergic reactions to antibiotics but I’m fine now)… welcome to the final round of the 2022 Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costume Contest™!

In my most recent post, Back Again! Sexy Unsexy Halloween Costumes!, I explained the purpose of the contest and reviewed the winners of the 2015-2019 contests (the 2020 and 2021 contests were cancelled due to the global COVID-19 pandemic).

Today is Halloween, which was supposed to be the day I announced this year’s winners. Instead, we’ll review this year’s nominees – so very many nominees! And we’ll close with a poll to determine the winner, which I will announce later this week – as well as the person who suggested the winning costume, who wins a $10 gift card!

The Nominees

We got a record TWENTY-THREE NOMINEES this year! So many that I can’t include them all without making this post overwhelmingly long and the poll overwhelmingly difficult to score. And so, from the full list of 23 nominees, I designated twelve as finalists for the award – the best of the best, making sure to include at least one entry from each person who sent in a suggestion. First, I’ll link to photos of the Honorable Mention costumes, and then show the 12 finalists. And then we’ll vote!

Honorable Mention

With 23 suggestions, some just couldn’t make the final poll. Here are those great ideas. Click on the name of the costume for a photo.

Sexy 80s Workout Playboy Bunny

Sexy Bug

Sexy Conservative Guy Scared of Cities

Sexy Generic Pennywise for Kids

Sexy Hater DJ

Sexy Lunchables for Kids

Sexy Nun

Sexy Popcorn

Sexy Rubber Chicken for Dudes

Sexy Seahorse

Sexy Soldier

The Finalists

And now the finalists! Presented in alphabetical order, along with the person who suggested the costume, and my commentary on it

Sexy Airpods for Couples

Suggested by Aimee Shoff

Decide which one of you is Left Ear and which is Right Ear, but be prepared to stick it in the wrong hole at least once!

And a surefire way for one of you to get lost!

Sexy Blank Spirit Halloween Costume Meme

Suggested by David Dudich

Definitely the Internet’s favorite costume choice this year – I’m sure you have seen it across your Facebook feed once. And this one is all of them at once: a blank slate for all your sexy costumes.

So meta it’s meta!

Sexy Blockbuster Video Employee

Suggested by Aimee Shoff

Everyone’s favorite costume from Halloween 1992, still inexplicably around for Halloween 2022!

Sexy Boob Ghost

Suggested by David Dudich and Aimee Shoff

Aimee sent this to me by private message so that she wouldn’t get sent to Facebook Jail. At first I wondered why a simple sheet-for-a-ghost Halloween costume would get her suspended.

Then I got it.

Sexy CVS Receipt

Suggested by Aimee Shoff

The taller you are, the more realistic the costume!

Sexy Fart for Kids

Suggested by Aimee Shoff

It’s a kids costume, so it’s not sexy, but it’s certainly WTF.

Sexy Honey Badger

Suggested by Jackie Bowman

Honey Badger don’t care… Honey Badger is SEXY!

Caution: may eat your face

Sexy Jester for Dudes

Suggested by Aimee Shoff

Jesters weren’t historically considered sexy. But when you look like this, you’re sexy. And weird.

Sexy Ketchup

Suggested by Joseph Kennedy

Pour some on thick!

Sexy Mail Carrier

Suggested by Aimee Shoff

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays this sexy courier from the swift completion of her appointed rounds on Halloween night.

Sexy Tardigrade

Suggested by Elliot Kresmer

Evolutionarily speaking, it pays to pick a winner – and what could be more of a winner than an organism that survives everywhere from the Earth’s core to outer space?

Sexy Velma

Suggested by Aimee Shoff

Since when was Velma the sexy one in the Mystery Machine crew? Since ALWAYS!

So those are the nominees. Who will be the winner? You decide!

Select one of the options below.

Happy Halloween, everyone!

Stay safe, and Stay Sexy!

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