I asked for suggestions, and you delivered: TWENTY-EIGHT nominations for this year’s Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costume Contest! I will present a few each day, leading up to the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WINNER on Halloween Night!
Sexy College Admissions Scandal Mom
Suggested by Jason Ice
Another “Ripped From The Headlines” Halloween costume, making fun of the parents arrested in the recent college admissions bribery scandal. With this costume and a generous donation, you too can be admitted to the college of your choice. Major in SEXY!
In our age of equality, dudes can get it on the sexy costume action also. This one is a sexy ball pit, made slightly disappointing by the fact that there really aren’t that many balls. Would you want to bounce around there?
So there you have it – four more costumes that certainly count as Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy]!
(Daily disclaimer: My intent is not to shame anyone’s choice of Halloween costumes. Wear whatever you want, and look great doing it. My intent is to shame society for trying to convince us that ball pits are sexy, and for failing to provide any normal, non-sexy shark costumes for women.)
I asked for suggestions, and you delivered. Dear God, did you deliver: twenty-eight nominations for this year’s Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costume Contest!
With only one week to go until Halloween, I’ll be presenting them all to you here – a few each day until next Wednesday. Then, on Halloween Night (scary!), I will officially announce this year’s winner.
Ready? Set? Here we go.
Sexy Generic Dinosaur
Suggested by Kathryn Vila Acevedo
What kind of dinosaur is this? The row of teeth says T-Rex, but the arms are too long, the eyes look more like a Velociraptor, and the tail is… just a tail. Conclusion: it’s a SEXYSAURUS!
Sexy Condom (for dudes)
Suggested by Andy Brown
What happens when subtext becomes text? THIS. And also, you can wear one under your costume for COSTUMECEPTION!
Sexy Ph.D.
Suggested by David Dudich
Smart is the new sexy! At least for me, it was also the old sexy, and the eternal sexy. What makes it slightly less sexy is its inaccuracy – the costume is clearly labeled “Sexy Ph.D.,” but the cap is the cap you get for a Bachelor’s or Master’s degree. Ph.D.s get a six-sided… thingy.
Sexy… Mr. Rogers?
Suggested by Elliot Kresmer, Jennifer Atchley Vose, and Christina Rawls
This was the first suggestion I got for this year’s contest, way back in late August. And it was independently suggested by three different people. Note the trademark red sweater. Presumably you can take off the sweater when you get to the Land of Make-Believe.
And if that isn’t weird enough, it also comes with hand puppet representations of two of Mr. Rogers’s most beloved characters, King Friday XIII and Daniel Tiger.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
This resulted in the following exchange online:
Friend: Who thinks Mr. Rogers is sexy? Me: Mrs. Rogers
Honestly, I can’t imagine any other Halloween costume being as bizarrely unsexy than Sexy Mr. Rogers – but I’ve been surprised before. Never underestimate global capitalism.
So that is four bizarrely Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costumes! Stay tuned tomorrow for more!
(Daily disclaimer: My intent is not to shame anyone’s choice of Halloween costumes. Wear whatever you want, and look great doing it. My intent is to shame society for trying to convince us that Sexy Dinosaur makes any sense, and for failing to provide any normal, non-sexy Dinosaur costumes for women.)
In yesterday’s post, I introduced you to the joy of the annual Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costume Contest. This is the first year that I have offered the contest on my blog, but it’s actually the fifth year overall. Here are the Sexy Winners from the previous contests:
2015: Sexy Killer Whale
(suggested by Jeremy Berg)
What could be sexier than a six-ton aquatic killing machine?
2016: Sexy Scrabble
(suggested by Kelly Simms)
This barely even counts as a specific costume concept – it’s not an animal, vegetable, or mineral – it’s more of an abstract concept. On the bright side, it confirms the old adage that Smart is the New Sexy, the Old Sexy, and the Eternal Sexy.
2017: Sexy Green Poo (?!?!?!)
(suggested by Aimee Shoff)
This is one of those pop culture moment “I guess you had to be there” costumes. One of the hottest-selling Halloween-themed items of 2017 was Burger King’s Black Whopper. In spite of the name, it turned your black whoppers a disgusting shade of green. There are very few things less sexy than feces (unless you’re into that, not judging).
2018: Sexy Marcel Duchamp Art Gallery Urinal
(suggested by Christina Rawls)
At first, I thought this was just a Sexy Urinal, which is certainly an object that is Inherently Not Sexy. But it’s so much more – it’s actually a tribute to the work of art Fountain by Belgian surrealist Marcel Duchamp, which is housed in the prestigious Tate Modern Museum in London. To paraphrase another of Duchamp’s famous works, ceci n’est pas une Halloween Costume.
These are the exciting winners from last year. I’ve already gotten several suggestions for this year’s contest, and oh boy, are some of them great.
Coming Monday: a review of some entries in this year’s Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costume Contest!
Halloween is almost here! It’s the time for trick-or-treating, trying to convince your friends to take your Necco Wafers in exchange for Actual Good Candy, and most importantly, pretending you’re someone you’re not with a COSTUME! Yeah, about that…
I’d like you to join me in a thought experiment. Pretend for a moment that you are a woman (this will be quite easy for about 50% of you). Furthermore, pretend you like elephants – again, likely not a stretch, because elephants are beautiful, intelligent, and loyal creatures. It’s All Hallows’ Eve, and all you want to do is go out with your friends and have a great time pretending to drink beer out of your trunk. That should be straightforward enough, right?
Behold, the ONLY women’s elephant costume I could find on the Internet:
It’s everyone’s favorite time of year: the announcement of the Fifth Annual Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costume Contest!
It’s not just an elephant, it’s a SEXY ELEPHANT! And there’s the trunk of the matter.
Four long years ago, on A Social Network, I started a tradition that has bizarrely turned into a much-loved, much-anticipated annual event. Ladies, gentlemen, and sexy elephants, it’s time once again for the annual
BEST SEXY [THING THAT IS INHERENTLY NOT SEXY] HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST!
Here’s how it works. I ask you, the reader, to nominate women’s Halloween costumes you would describe as “Sexy [blank],” where the thing in the blank cannot remotely be considered sexy. To join in the fun, comment below with a link to a Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween costume. Or suggest one on social media, or in person.
As a guideline for what to look for, note that Sexy Elephant is one of the more normal entries from the past few years. They get rapidly weirder, and less Inherently Sexy.
I’ve always felt a bit conflicted about sponsoring this annual contest, because I don’t want to come across a Moral Guardian shaming anyone’s choice of what Halloween costume. Wear whatever the hell you like and have fun.
My purpose is instead to make fun of our society’s obsession that Women Must Look Sexy, even in the face of all logic and good taste.
I’m thrilled to put the contest up on my blog, allowing a larger audience to be exposed to the inappropriate sexy weirdness. So suggest away!
Coming tomorrow: a review of the winning entries from the past four years.
Coming Monday: a review of the suggestions I’ve gotten so far this year
Coming October 31: announcement of this year’s Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costume Contest winner!
The Democratic 2020 presidential candidates take the stage for the first debate
Ostensibly 23 candidates means 23 different paths forward – but in reality, voters face a choice of just two paths: progressive or centrist. Differences between candidate positions, while real and important, will quickly be subsumed into one of the two overarching narratives. Everything else is details.
At the end of last week’s post, I wondered if “electable” is just another word for “white male.” And speaking of white male power, let’s talk identity politics.
The term is generally used pejoratively by people who view it as a distraction from real issues, and a non-starter with voters who might otherwise be on board with a Democratic agenda. On the other hand, people pushing the idea of identity politics view these ideas as a struggle to not be considered an unperson because of their identity. This being a fundamental issue of survival, they’re not about to let it go.
The people who want identity politics dropped frequently point out that you don’t see this kind of mess – and hence this disunity and fracturing of effort and resources – going on with Republicans, which is true but not actually equivalent. The reason identity politics, in the way they are meant here, don’t get messy with Republicans is that socially, conservatism is about rights and power for exactly one group of people: cisgender straight white male Christians. Republicans will deny this, but Republicans will deny a lot of things that are nonetheless true.
If they had total dominion they’d start fighting over exactly which kind of Christian, but for now that’s being kept to rumblings on the fringe.
Blacks for Trump! Not pictured: black people
When you’re only out to make things good for one group, and that one group is already the most privileged demographic in the country, there’s no infighting to be done, and all perceived threats are equal. Since every other group is getting royally fucked in some fashion, there is endless squabbling about whose problems have priority and which issues are the most important.
Also, absolutely no one is so oppressed that they won’t oppress someone else. It’s not always just a struggle for airtime, but a genuine dislike by one minority for another. This is one reason intersectionality has become such a buzzword—until you get the different groups to consider each other’s well-being, that infighting is there to stay.
With only two parties, one of which doesn’t like any of these people, everyone has to fight to get on the agenda, and that usually involves competing with other people also vying for influence. Remember all those things that’re going to get yelled about because there are so many candidates? What’s merely galling to one group will be unforgivable to another, and vice versa.
The transgender flag
Candidates sometimes manage to evade or sideline the issue while paying it lip service, but there are three attacks on minorities by the Trump administration high profile enough that the Democratic hopefuls will all have to face at least one: gay people’s children with foreign connections being denied citizenship, Latin American children being separated from their parents and housed in inhumane conditions, and the military’s ban on transgender soldiers.
I am aware that the murder rate for trans people, especially trans people of color, is a much bigger problem. However, fixing that means confronting daunting systemic issues that make people uncomfortable, which is the opposite of successful politics. The trans military ban is simple to understand, fairly easy to reverse, and easily classifiable as an isolated act of petty cruelty.
So no, identity politics aren’t going anywhere fast. And that’s a good thing.
