Announcing the 2019 Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costume Contest laureates!

Thank you for joining us on this epic journey through the madness of sexy not-sexy Halloween costumes. And now that the big holiday has arrived, it’s time to announce which costume will join previous winners!

I added up your votes from yesterday’s poll. I counted each selected Sexy Checkbox as one vote, and each typed Sexy Free Response winner as three votes.

Because this is the Internet, I am contractually obligated to present this a top five list. So here we go….

5. Sexy Pennywise

A woman in a bra-like clown suit with a red wig and scary white makeup

Dress up as America’s favorite murdering sewer-dweller, except SEXY! What is particularly weird about this costume is what appears to be a blood stain or scar on the breast.

4. Sexy Deer in the Headilghts

A couple costume - he in a plaid shirt with a deer head, she in a costume with a yellow line and headlights on her breasts

This year’s only costume for couples. Note the placement of the headlights. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!

3. Sexy Tariff

A woman in a short dress with printed $100 bills stamped TARIFF in red

This costume helps protect American farmers, but you might have to pay more for it.

2. Sexy Bob Ross

A woman with short shorts, a light blue top, and a paint brush and palette, with a squirrel on her shoulder

Paint me like one of your French girls happy little trees!

1. Sexy Mr. Rogers

A woman with short shorts, a black tie over her cleavage, and a red sweater

The first costume suggested this year, way back in July – and honestly, one of the favorites all the way through the contest. There were a lot of great suggestions this year, but there’s nothing as Not Inherently Sexy as America’s hero Fred Rogers.

Reminder: take off the sweater when you enter the house, so you can take the trolley to the Land of Make-Believe.

And now the blog returns to its normal Monday-Wednesday-Friday schedule, so stay tuned for another exciting post tomorrow!

Happy Halloween, everyone!

(Daily disclaimer: My intent is not to shame anyone’s choice of Halloween costumes. Wear whatever you want, and look great doing it. My intent is to shame society for trying to convince us that Mr. Rogers is sexy, and more importantly, for failing to provide any normal, non-sexy Mr. Rogers costumes for women.)

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