Thank you for joining us on this epic journey through the madness of sexy not-sexy Halloween costumes. And now that the big holiday has arrived, it’s time to announce which costume will join previous winners!

I added up your votes from yesterday’s poll. I counted each selected Sexy Checkbox as one vote, and each typed Sexy Free Response winner as three votes.

Because this is the Internet, I am contractually obligated to present this a top five list. So here we go….

5. Sexy Pennywise

Dress up as America’s favorite murdering sewer-dweller, except SEXY! What is particularly weird about this costume is what appears to be a blood stain or scar on the breast.

4. Sexy Deer in the Headilghts

This year’s only costume for couples. Note the placement of the headlights. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!

3. Sexy Tariff

This costume helps protect American farmers, but you might have to pay more for it.

2. Sexy Bob Ross

Paint me like one of your French girls happy little trees!

1. Sexy Mr. Rogers

The first costume suggested this year, way back in July – and honestly, one of the favorites all the way through the contest. There were a lot of great suggestions this year, but there’s nothing as Not Inherently Sexy as America’s hero Fred Rogers.

Reminder: take off the sweater when you enter the house, so you can take the trolley to the Land of Make-Believe.

And now the blog returns to its normal Monday-Wednesday-Friday schedule, so stay tuned for another exciting post tomorrow!

Happy Halloween, everyone!

(Daily disclaimer: My intent is not to shame anyone’s choice of Halloween costumes. Wear whatever you want, and look great doing it. My intent is to shame society for trying to convince us that Mr. Rogers is sexy, and more importantly, for failing to provide any normal, non-sexy Mr. Rogers costumes for women.)