Part six of our THIRTY-THREE (and that’s now the final count!) nominations for this year’s exciting Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costume Contest! I will present a few each day, leading up to TOMORROW’S VOTE and then the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WINNER on Halloween Night! Who will join previous winners? You decide!
Today’s post is the third straight organized into themes. Today’s theme: costumes RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES™ in a pathetic attempt to stay relevant to make an important statement about today’s society!
Sexy Plant-Based Burger
Continuing the food theme that brought us Sunday’s Popeye’s “Spicy” Chicken Sandwich costume, you can dress as the plant-based burger that has become popular at Burger King and many other places. Perfect for vegans!
Sexy Pennywise
Or dress as the murdering clown from one of this year’s most popular movies, It Chapter Two. Why be a regular clown when you can be a MURDERING clown?
Sexy Republican Elephant
Bringing us full circle to the example I used to introduce this series, except this one is a Sexy Republican Elephant. Salute America’s current party-in-power, or wear it ironically to show your disdain for that party. Regardless, our President might just grab you by the costume!
Sexy Tariff
Speaking of the President, you can also dress up as one of his signature policies that he never seems to get around to implementing.
Sexy Op-Ed
You might have forgotten about this one, referencing the anonymous guest opinion column published in the New York Times from a self-described “part of the resistance inside the Trump administration” (and who totally isn’t Jon Huntsman). Be the lodestar of your Halloween party!
Sexy Fake News
So what if this is exactly the same as the previous costume, except with “FAKE” stamped on it instead of a question mark? It’s a TOTALLY different costume!
Show your disdain for fake news, even if it’s increasingly clear that “fake news” just means “news I don’t like” or “news from a reputable source whose political leanings are different form mine” or “news that reports facts that make me uncomfortable.” But that’s a topic for a different post.
And with that, we have completed our journey through all thirty-three freakin’ nominees for the 2019 Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween costume contest.
Carefully review the previous nominees, as well as today’s – because tomorrow, it’s time to VOTE ON THE WINNERS!
Sexy Dinosaur
Sexy Condom (for dudes)
Sexy Ph.D.
Sexy Mr. Rogers
Sexy College Admissions Bribery Scandal Mom
Sexy Shark (doot doot, doo de doo)
Stupid Sexy Flanders
Sexy Ball Pit (for dudes)
Sexy Microsoft Clippy
Sexy Vintage Airplane
Sexy Skunk
Sexy Chucky
Sexy Generic Ouija Board
Sexy Loofah
Sexy Piñata
Sexy Taco Sauce
Sexy Popeye’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich
Sexy Tater “Thot”
Sexy One Nightstand
Sexy Deer in the Headlights (for couples)
Sexy “Ghost”
Sexy Starbucks Coffee
Sexy Toy Story Alien
Sexy Buzz Lightyear
Sexy Wrigley’s Doublemint Gum
Sexy Yoshi
Sexy Bob Ross
Be sure to come back for the FINAL VOTE tomorrow!
(Daily disclaimer: My intent is not to shame anyone’s choice of Halloween costumes. Wear whatever you want, and look great doing it. My intent is to shame society for trying to convince us that tariffs are sexy (no matter what President Trump thinks), and more importantly, for failing to provide any normal, non-sexy political protest costumes for women.