Your costume suggestions, part 5: Ruined childhood edition

Part five of our THIRTY-THREE (so far!) nominations for this year’s exciting Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costume Contest! I will present a few each day, leading up to the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WINNER on Halloween Night! Who will join previous winners? You decide!

Today’s post is the first of a few costume posts organized into themes. Today’s theme: costumes to ruin your childhood!

Reprise: Sexy Mr. Rogers

Suggested by Elliot Kresmer, Jennifer Atchley Vose, and Christina Rawls

The very first suggestion for this year’s contest, and posted in my first review post – but it fits the theme so well I have to include it here too. HELLO, NEIGHBOR!

Sexy Toy Story Alien

A woman in a tight blue dress with green arm leggings and antennae
Suggested by Andy Brown

Did you enjoy the classic Disney animated comedy Toy Story? Did this costume just ruin it for you?


Sexy Buzz Lightyear

A woman in a white, purple, and green bikini with visor-like sunglasses
Suggested by Jeremy Berg


Sexy Wrigley’s Doublemint Gum

A woman in a skintight green dress labeled "Wrigley's Doublemint Chewing Gum"
Suggested by Andy Brown

Chew on this idea for a while for SEXY fresh breath! Or find two party guests wearing this costume, and double your pleasure!

Sexy Yoshi

A woman in a green-and-white low cut dress with a dinosaur hat
Suggested by Andy Brown

A distant cousin of last week’s Sexy Dinosaur, but with more licking and riding.

Sexy Bob Ross

A woman with short shorts, a light blue top, and a paint brush and palette, with a squirrel on her shoulder
Suggested by Andy Brown, David Dudich, and Cat Bross

Like Mr. Rogers, Bob Ross is a figure who because famous on the Internet for being a warm and decent human being. In an age where so many of our childhood heroes turned out to be complete monsters, the host of the PBS afternoon series The Joy of Painting taught us how to paint, and more importantly, how to believe in our own abilities. Which is what makes SEXY Bob Ross so creepy.

Paint me like one of your French girls happy little trees!

So there you have it – five-and-one more nominees for costumes for a Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween!

And a review of the previous fifteen entries, so you can compare and eventually vote for this year’s winner:
Sexy Dinosaur
Sexy Condom (for dudes)
Sexy Ph.D.
Sexy Mr. Rogers
Sexy College Admissions Bribery Scandal Mom
Sexy Shark (doot doot, doo de doo)
Stupid Sexy Flanders
Sexy Ball Pit (for dudes)
Sexy Microsoft Clippy
Sexy Vintage Airplane
Sexy Skunk
Sexy Chucky
Sexy Generic Ouija Board
Sexy Loofah
Sexy Piñata
Sexy Taco Sauce
Sexy Popeye’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich
Sexy Tater “Thot”
Sexy One Nightstand
Sexy Deer in the Headlights (for couples)
Sexy “Ghost”
Sexy Starbucks Coffee

Stay tuned for even more tomorrow!

(Daily disclaimer: My intent is not to shame anyone’s choice of Halloween costumes. Wear whatever you want, and look great doing it. My intent is to shame society for trying to convince us that Bob Ross is sexy (WTF even?), and more importantly, for failing to provide any normal, pop-culture-referencing Bob Ross costumes for women.)

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