The actual graphs are coming later today, but here I’ll be as lighthearted as I can about this massive global tragedy.

I was talking with a friend last night who said that it wasn’t my fault, but she hates the trends that she sees in these graphs, especially in the U.S. That caused me, completely tongue in cheek, to wonder if it really is my fault. Am I secretly causing COVID-19 by making these graphs?

IMPORTANT NOTE: I AM NOT SERIOUS. THIS IS NOT HOW REALITY WORKS.

Just in case, though, here is a suggestion to the universe for what next week’s graphs should look like:

Cases by country

Deaths by country

Total cases diagnosed worldwide: 0

Current worldwide deaths: 0

Note that these graphs and figures are cumulative case and death counts. What that means is that, starting tomorrow, everyone will be so cured that they never even had COVID-19 in the first place, and all the people who have died will magically come back to life.

This is what I wish would happen, but as author John Green says, apparently the universe is not a wish-granting factory. I’ll keep tracking what actually happens, later today and every day.