Six Years of Sexy Unsexy (probably NSFW?)

What’s scarier than U.S. politics?

Not this!

Welcome to the 2020 edition of my annual Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costume Contest!

Every year since 2015, I remind you how ridiculous commercialism is by reviewing women’s Halloween costumes. This year is going to be the weirdest Halloween of our lifetimes, with the global COVID-19 pandemic and a particularly insane U.S. election coming up just three days later – but the show must continue in a timely manner. Here’s how it works.

I have no problem with celebrating Halloween, nor with women celebrating Halloween by wearing sexy costumes. Wear what you like. What I do have a problem with is the fact that our cultural expectations are such that we expect all women’s costumes to be sexy, and thus it is nearly impossible for women to find regular, not-sexy costumes to celebrate Halloween.

The result is that, in addition to perfectly sensible Sexy Cheerleader or Sexy Non-Copyright-Infringing Black Panther costumes, there are plenty of sexy costumes built from ideas that are definitely Not Sexy. And that’s what we celebrate here, every year in the weeks leading up to Halloween.

When you see a sexy costume of something that is inherently not sexy, comment here with a link to it, or send it to me on my Facebook or Twitter. I’ll keep a record of all the submissions and report them all here, a few at a time, in the days leading up to Halloween. On Halloween night, I’ll announce the winner, and the person who suggested the winning entry will win a prize!

To help you get ready for this year’s contest, here are the previous winners!

2015: Sexy Killer Whale

Black-and-white costume with a tail hanging from the back and a hoodie that looks like a killer whale head
Sexy Killer Whale – a woman in a short black-and-white fake fur dress with a thick forked black tail and a black hood with white eye spots

She might look cute, but she’ll eat you alive! Suggested by Jeremy Berg.

2016: Sexy Scrabble

A short white dress decorated like a Scrabble board (with colored ties), and thigh fringe with letters
Sexy Scrabble – a woman in a short fringed dress patterned like a Scrabble board with tiles hanging down as the fringe

You might think that a board game would be too abstract to make a sexy Halloween costume, but that would be a M-I-S-T-A-K-E for 13 points, plus a 50-point bonus for using all your letters. If you’re smart enough, she might let you play too! Suggested by Kelly Simms.

2017: Sexy Green Poo

Green poo-shaped costume from too many Sexy Black Whoppers
A woman with green high heels, white tights, and a green felt costume folded to look like literal poo

This bizarre costume is a reference to a distant memory, Burger King’s Halloween-themed Black Whopper, which apparently turned your black whoppers a bright shade of green. It’s kind of a shitty costume tbh. Suggested by Aimee Shoff.

2018: Sexy Marcel Duchamp Art Gallery Urinal

A very short dress decorated to look like a urinal - ceci n'est pas une Halloween costume
A woman in a hip-length white dress painted to look like a urinal with black spots symbolizing holes.

It’s a urinal, but it’s not just a urinal, it’s actually a tribute to the work of art Fountain by Belgian surrealist Marcel Duchamp. Is it art? Regardless, it’s a golden idea! Suggested by Christina Rawls.

2019: Sexy Mr. Rogers

Same sexy Mr. Rogers, but now with black stiletto heels and HAND PUPPETS of King Friday and Daniel the Lion
A woman in a tight red sweater with hand puppets of Daniel the Lion and King Friday XIII

In honor of the film A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, which premiered in October 2019. Don’t forget to take off the sweater to go to the Magical Land of Make-Believe! Suggested by Elliot Kresmer.

What amazing costumes will we get for the 2020 edition of Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costume Contest? Suggest away!

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