I asked for suggestions, and you delivered. Dear God, did you deliver: twenty-eight nominations for this year’s Best Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costume Contest!

With only one week to go until Halloween, I’ll be presenting them all to you here – a few each day until next Wednesday. Then, on Halloween Night (scary!), I will officially announce this year’s winner.

Ready? Set? Here we go.

Sexy Generic Dinosaur

What kind of dinosaur is this? The row of teeth says T-Rex, but the arms are too long, the eyes look more like a Velociraptor, and the tail is… just a tail. Conclusion: it’s a SEXYSAURUS!

Sexy Condom (for dudes)

What happens when subtext becomes text? THIS. And also, you can wear one under your costume for COSTUMECEPTION!

Sexy Ph.D.

Smart is the new sexy! At least for me, it was also the old sexy, and the eternal sexy. What makes it slightly less sexy is its inaccuracy – the costume is clearly labeled “Sexy Ph.D.,” but the cap is the cap you get for a Bachelor’s or Master’s degree. Ph.D.s get a six-sided… thingy.

Sexy… Mr. Rogers?

This was the first suggestion I got for this year’s contest, way back in late August. And it was independently suggested by three different people. Note the trademark red sweater. Presumably you can take off the sweater when you get to the Land of Make-Believe.

And if that isn’t weird enough, it also comes with hand puppet representations of two of Mr. Rogers’s most beloved characters, King Friday XIII and Daniel Tiger.

This resulted in the following exchange online:

Friend: Who thinks Mr. Rogers is sexy?
Me: Mrs. Rogers

Honestly, I can’t imagine any other Halloween costume being as bizarrely unsexy than Sexy Mr. Rogers – but I’ve been surprised before. Never underestimate global capitalism.

So that is four bizarrely Sexy [Thing That Is Inherently Not Sexy] Halloween Costumes! Stay tuned tomorrow for more!

(Daily disclaimer: My intent is not to shame anyone’s choice of Halloween costumes. Wear whatever you want, and look great doing it. My intent is to shame society for trying to convince us that Sexy Dinosaur makes any sense, and for failing to provide any normal, non-sexy Dinosaur costumes for women.)