A special message today from the Grass Mud Horse:

Greetings, comrades! I hope you are having a productive and obedient year. This year has certainly been eventful. Except in Hong Kong, where nothing has happened.

But I write to you today not about our peaceful and prosperous nation, but about your United States of America. Specifically, your upcoming election between your own Dear Leader 川普 and Creepy Uncle Joe Biden.

You’ve probably seen some memes about how creepy Joe Biden is.

The Chinese Communist Party is not spreading those memes. Our glorious Dear Leader would never permit our glorious Internet Censors (which don’t exist, by the way) to interfere in a foreign election to promote our national interest.

But you should still spread them as widely as possible. As the kids today say: these hip maymays are 2 dank 2 yeet! YOLO BRO!

But you’ll certainly agree that Joe Biden is creepy, yes? After all, at least 28 separate women have accused him of sexual assault or harassment.

No, wait, that was Trump.

There is no evidence that Biden has ever even met the late Jeffrey Epstein, but in 2002 he had this to say about the convicted rapist and sex trafficker:

I’ve known Jeff for fifteen years. Terrific guy. He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side. No doubt about it — Jeffrey enjoys his social life.

No, wait, that was Trump, in an interview with New York magazine

Biden is so creepy that he has been photographed sitting on a pornographic statue with his hand around a fifteen-year-old girl’s hip – she’s wearing a short skirt, a butterfly halter top, and no bra – while she strokes his face lovingly, and oh, the girl in question is HIS OWN DAUGHTER:

lol no wait that was Trump

So I guess all that evidence of Biden being creepy is actually evidence of Trump being creepy, but none of that matters because Joe Biden is creepy. Because the glorious Chinese Communist Party says so.

It’s very important that you listen to your Chinese Communist Party leaders.

Because if Biden is elected, he might actually reduce your national debt, which would reduce your reliance on our generous loans gifts which I’m sure we will never ask you to pay back because that would ruin your economy and leave us as the world’s only remaining superpower. Or he might cause your country to once again be respected around the world, so that other nations turn to you instead of us.

Whoops, I said the quiet part out loud again. I hate it when I do that.

But here’s the important takeaway:

The Chinese Communist Party wants you to think Joe Biden is creepy.

The Chinese Communist Party wants you to think Joe Biden is creepy.

The Chinese Communist Party wants you to think Joe Biden is creepy.

(I feel like there’s some sort of message to this post, but I can’t quite put my hoof on it.)

You’ll be seeing a lot of “Joe Biden is creepy” memes over the next few months.

Every time you see one, don’t forget to think of your benevolent silent overlords in the Chinese Communist Party!